I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
