you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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