I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
