I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
