well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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