College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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