if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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