so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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