fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
