It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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