he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
