Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
