LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize