i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
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