Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
