You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
