She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
