Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
