so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
