I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
