I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
