Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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