she woke up with a sticky ear
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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