i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize