There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Randomize
