I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Found the puke drawer
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
