nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
