I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I did not marry a roomba.
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