My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
