it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I booty called her while she was in labor.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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