You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Randomize
