He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
