Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
