Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
