Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
