I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
