i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
