I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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