i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
then he tried to convert me to islam
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
