I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
