he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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