Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Randomize
