i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
