Sry I called you an 8
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
