also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
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and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
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...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE