OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
