Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
