So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
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