i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
did you just send me my own nude
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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