$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
