ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Life is so much better after having sex.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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