Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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