...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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