Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
