you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
