And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
