fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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